Read to Me

I was busy.  Busy working, busy typing.   Replying to emails, checking messages, reading about current issues.

Rowan was busy too.  Busy learning, busy playing.  Pulling out toys, rolling the ball to me as I half heartedly rolled it back to him while keeping one hand on the key board.

I sat at my desk consumed by a world that I could not touch or see while Rowan sat by my feet tugging at my designer jeans sweat pants and holding up his favorite book.

He LOVES this book.  We read it every day.  His Grammy gave it to him.  He always skips right to the end where the page lights up.  He claps with glee and snuggles in close as if begging me to read it again.  It doesn’t matter to him that I have a blog, or that I need to keep up with twitter or facebook or anything else.  All he knows is that he wants me to read to him and lately that’s what I have been doing.

So, in case you are wondering where I have been.  I’m still taking a break from blogging.  It’s been a very nice blogacation (my term for a blogging vacation).

I hope you are all doing well.  I know I will have so much to catch up on when I do emerge from my hibernation. 

 

Feeling Risky?

Barry and I spoke with an old friend last night and in the midst of the conversation he mentioned something that I can’t get out of my head.  He said:

“The average life span consists of roughly 70 years.  70 years equals around 25,000 mornings. Don’t allow anything to stand in the way of you making the most of your life”

I pulled out my calculator and figured out that I am on morning number 11,130.

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When I was 19 I jumped off of a cliff…literally.  I was at Lake Travis with some friends and they decided to go cliff jumping.  Naively, I ran, leaping from the 60 ft. cliff (okay, maybe I am embellishing a little) and hit the water ribs and hips first. It scared me so badly that I drank in half of the lake in my attempt to scramble back to the surface of the water.

Point of this story…don’t jump off cliffs in Austin, TX in the middle of a drought.  But, in the same breath I would also like to say…

Don’t avoid the deep waters just because of one bad experience.

There have been a number of instances where I took a risk and it ended with me limping away or wishing that I would have just played it safe.  But…there are also the times where I just went for it.  I took a step of faith and it ended up being the best decision of my life.  The deep waters I landed in gave me the ability to experience life in a new way.  They made the walls disappear, they gave me freedom and made me trust.

In many instances…the deep waters were what saved me.

What about you?  Are there some risks you are facing…but you have been afraid to take them?  Is there anything standing in the way of you making the most of your 25,000 mornings?

I Know Him

We were the only ones in the waiting room.  It was quiet, and somewhat cozy.  Pictures lined the walls, countless success stories all captured on film.  Some of them cute, and others…well…not so cute.  Barry leaned over and whispered in my ear ” Are you sure this is legit, I mean there is really no way to know what he looks like.  They could show everyone the same baby and no one would ever know.”  I sighed in frustration “Thanks for ruining the moment” I replied with a swift punch to his arm.

I was excited and so was Rowan.  Despite the limited space, he was moving like crazy in my womb.  I placed Barry’s hand gently on my stomach, we were about to get a glimpse of our baby, our little boy.  My heart swelled with pride and love.  I looked at Barry’s hands, so strong and manly…in my mind I had a long list of the attributes that I wanted Rowan to obtain from his Dad.  I was hoping the 3D ultrasound we were about to receive would reveal if any of my prayers were answered.

As the technician opened the door to our room, the first thing I noticed was the gigantic flat screen TV on the wall.   I laughed to myself knowing that Barry was wishing they would put on ESPN while we got everything settled.   Within a matter of moments we were witnessing our little boy for the first time.  His tiny arms and legs.  His precious fingers and toes.  It was magical and life changing.

As I looked at the screen, all I could think about was Rowan.  I adored seeing him.  I could have sat there in amazement watching him all day.  Barry and his mom were both teary eyed as they witnessed him tumble and do flips.   While I watched him move around, I realized… I already knew him.  I knew him because he was a part of me.  We spent every day together.  If I got up for a little mid-night snack…so did Rowan.  When I went to the beach and breathed in the ocean air…Rowan was with me.  In our own way, without ever locking eyes or holding hands, we knew each other.  I was giving him life and he was bringing me more joy with each passing day.

As we drove home that afternoon, I started thinking about my relationship with God.  He is my Creator, He has loved me unconditionally and given me eternal life.  He knows me better than I know myself.  And because I have a relationship with God, I have the ability to know Him too.  We are able to spend each moment together, I can enjoy His presence, know His peace and follow His will.

He knows me and I am so thankful that the God of the Universe has allowed me the opportunity to know Him as well!

My Best Friend

Let me just warn you this post might get a little mushy…

The past two weeks I have noticed a quality in my husband that I admire so much.  He has got to be the best person IN. THE. WORLD. to rejoice with.  Seriously, a few days ago he woke me up to share some exciting news  about a friend of ours.  He was so thrilled for the guy, he had to spill the beans with me right away.  It made me smile…and then I went right back to sleep.   Then later on in the week he came home talking about someone elses victory and how he was “totally thrilled” for them.  His joy for them was contagious.

Even though I’m just now highlighting this quality it has ALWAYS been evident Barry’s life.  He cheers people on and motivates them to go for the GOLD!  I wrote an entry last week about the phrase “Champion for the People.”  To me…this is one aspect of it and I was so excited to see it displayed in my husband’s life.

I’m proud that Barry is my handsome hero, my best friend and the fearless leader of our home.  He makes a great husband, father and pastor.  I truly am thankful that he loves to rejoice in the victories and accomplishments of others.  It is a quality I greatly admire!

Oh… and by the way…Rowan took his first two steps yesterday!  I should be keeping a baby book…but instead I’ll just blog about it.  Go Rowan!

Champion for the People

I heard a phrase today and it has stuck with me all afternoon.  It was used to describe one of the church staff members .  The phrase was “Champion for the People.”  My heart was instantly moved at this thought.  One of my favorite scripture verses about Jesus is where He is referred to as a Champion. (Isaiah 19:20 and Isaiah 49:25)  It just evokes so much emotion within me when I think about Christ in this manner and it makes me want to strive for the same in my life.

As I drove home today listening to Rowan laugh and coo in the back seat, my heart was full of joy and faith.  I asked God to make me a Champion for His people.  Someone that will stand up for justice and believe for the best in peoples lives.  I want to keep this phrase on the forefront on my mind this week and check my actions against its meaning.  I can’t settle for anything less now…the goal is before me.

What about you?  What do you think when you read that phrase?  How can we embody this as we lead and love our home, family, ministries and life?

Which Jesus do you Picture?

We went to a friends college graduation party yesterday and as always, I love seeing the artwork in people’s homes.  I feel like it represents them or shows a piece of their soul.  So, in my usual fashion…I was snooping around.  As my eyes soaked in their gorgeous home, I noticed a hand drawn picture framed in their entry way.  And to be completely honest…it changed my life.

As we casually talked over some delicious pepperoni pizza (I love pizza) our friend told us the story of what inspired his artwork.  While visiting a church one Sunday morning years ago, he noticed that all of the pictures of Jesus in the sanctuary portrayed Him in a weak manner.  He was kneeling, sulking or looking towards heaven in a helpless fashion.  Feeling as though the Jesus He knew was not at all captured in those pictures, he went home and drew his own idea of his Savior.  I must say that it is amazing! 

So, you may be wondering what it looks like.  Well, sadly I don’t have a copy to show you, but I will attempt to describe the magnificent portrait to the best of my ability.

In the picture you see Jesus standing tall and incredibly strong.  His hair is long, but it’s long like a rock star, not an unkept man.  His eyes are fierce and intense.  They reflect the incredible passion and determination He has for mankind.  One arm is outstretched in defense and protection while the other is wrapped around the person he is rescuing.  My words cannot describe the emotions it evoked in my heart.  I kept thinking…now that is a hero. 

Thank you Cory for capturing the valor and strength that represents the man who died for our sins and redeems us from destruction.  I hope that one day your drawings will make their way into people’s homes, offices and churches.  You truly have a talent!  Congratulations on your graduation we are so excited to see what the future will hold for you and your amazing family!!

What are You Believing for?

I gently caressed Rowan’s little face while he slept in my arms.  He was so young, yet he had already brought such incredible joy to our lives.  I caught a glimpse of Barry sleeping as he reclined his head back against the wall.  We were so tired.  We knew to expect weariness, but I don’t think either of us anticipated sheer exhaustion.  We discovered that doctor visits were great opportunities for naps and we both jumped at any chance to sleep…even if it was only for ten minutes.

We were both drifting off into dream land when the doctor opened the door.  I tried so hard to focus on the barrage of questions that followed.  As a first time mother I didn’t know what to expect.  But, I knew in my heart that something was wrong.  I held Rowan even closer to my chest as she spoke.  I couldn’t handle the thought of my son being in pain.  He was so little, so helpless…it took everything within me to refrain from crying.  We were handed a list of referrals and orders for more tests as we sat in silence.  Overwhelmed by thought of our little boy suffering, we quickly made our way to the hospital.

After weeks of tests and blood work, we took Rowan to see a pediatric cardiologist.  Through his exam and expertise we discovered that Rowan was born with a common birth defect known as ASD.  Of all the things in the world that could have been wrong, this was by far the best one to choose from.  It simply meant that he had a hole in his little heart.  The only cause for concern was its size.

Despite the reassuring comments of the cardiologist and pediatrician, I was overwhelmed.  Most infants with ASD recover on their own.  However the size of the hole in Rowan’s heart was abnormal.  There was no guarantee that it could heal completely.  We were given brochures and told to prepare our minds for the realization that he may need heart surgery by the age of two in order to prevent further damage down the road.

As Barry and I drove home that day we reflected on the miracles God had already performed to get us to that moment.  The fact that we even had a baby was a miracle in itself, much less all of the details that surrounded his young life.  The pediatric cardiologist we were referred to just so happened to be one of the best in the nation and he treated our family with such compassion.   As we sat in the car we lifted up a prayer for our precious son.  We asked our Heavenly Father to heal Rowan’s heart.  We specifically requested that He would close up the hole and make his heart complete in order to provide Rowan’s body with health and long life.  Each and every day we pray this over our little guy and every night we thank God for being mindful of our baby and we praise Him for being our healer.

In the weeks ahead we will be taking Rowan to the cardiologist for a follow-up visit.  This will let us know if he is on the road to recovery or it will give us an indication that surgery may be necessary.

I am believing for a complete healing in Rowan’s heart and I would be so thankful if you would pray and believe with me.  But, it would also mean so much to me if you would leave a comment and let me know what YOU are believing God for during this season of your life.  Together, let’s trust God for the impossible!  Let’s anticipate God’s provision for our lives as we pray and believe for each others needs.

Much Love,

Jana

Generational Blessings

Tears soaked the carefully typed pages as I read in silence.  My Grandfather spent months writing his memoir.  Moments and stories that were burned into his memory, were skillfully captured on paper.  A priceless gift to his children and grandchildren.  I was touched by the time he spent writing and recalling his years as a husband, father and pastor.   My heart ached for him as I read his memories of growing up with an alcoholic father during the Great Depression.  There was so much disappointment and fear that he felt as a result of his father’s uncontrollable weakness.   I never knew that my Grandpa slept on a roll away cot in the living room or that he started working at 9 years old to help his parents make ends meet.  Growing up, my Grandfather represented security and wisdom in my eyes.  In my youth it never occurred to me that he was giving his family what he never had…A Generational Blessing. 

What if my Grandfather would have chosen to become angry and bitter?  Or what if he would have decided to follow in his father’s footsteps?  It would have been easy to do…after all he grew up during a time where there wasn’t much room for big dreams and high hopes.  Instead, my Grandpa chose a better life.  Even at a very young age he chose to work hard.  He made a deliberate decision to love, protect and answer the call of God on his life.  In the midst of incredible heartache he chose to be a blessing.  And with every right choice and every act of obedience he made my life better…even before he knew me.

I am challenged by his life and the wonderful gift he has given to me through his faith and love for God.  I long to do the same for the generations that will follow after me.  I don’t know them, but my decisions today may be impacting their lives tomorrow.  Will they be thankful for my life, or reflect on it with respect?  As a mother, I realize now more than ever that my life is not my own.  We each have a choice as to what we will pass on to our children and grandchildren.  Daily I must choose to live with integrity, so that I may leave a blessing for the generations that will follow in my footsteps.  

This year my Grandparents will both celebrate their 80th birthdays as well as 60 years of marriage.  Even still they live for so much more than just themselves.  They live for us…the future generations.  There is much to be said about a life that is lived to please the Lord.  It not only blesses our Heavenly Father, it blesses every one else too.  Thank you Grandpa and Grandma for living a life worthy of respect and honor.  Your devotion to the Lord is a tremendous gift to all who know you and a blessing to the future of our family! 

Psalm 112:1-2 (NIV)

 ¹ Praise the LORD. 
       Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
       who finds great delight in his commands. ² His children will be mighty in the land;
       the generation of the upright will be blessed.